Know thy mind, know thy enemy
by gothina234
Summary: Reid begins showing signs of mental illness, refuses to accept that he may be succumbing to his mother's illness, and events unfold placing Reid in a mental hospital and never wanting to see his family again. He finds himself in more danger than ever before and faced with an UNSUB that may be his end but also his way out. Set after season 9, before 10. Blake and Hotch in team.
1. Chapter 1

**Hello, I know it's been a while but I'm trying to get back to normal and life has been hectic here. This story is a prompt from Mozart's Fantasy. They have been very, very, very patient with me about this story and I just want to say a big thank you for that. Enjoy and I hope you like it. I'll also be posting updates to my other stories at the weekend.**

 **Next chapter will be posted by next Tuesday**

 **Enjoy and please review**

Reid gripped his bag tighter as every noise around him seem to be amplified and burrowing painfully into his skull. He could feel the eyes of everyone looking at him. A young woman let out a giggle not far from him. He frowned as her gaze briefly fell upon him.

 _'Is she laughing at me?'_ he thought before gripping his bag even tighter. _'Why is she laughing at me?'_

He winced sharply as the train wheels let out a screech as the train slowed and came to a stop. He barged through the crowd, feeling himself ease as he cleared the train and breathed in the cold winter air.

"Freak," a voice giggled behind him.

He swivelled to confront the person but found no-one behind him. He turned back around and made his way down the stairs.

"I'm fine," he muttered to himself. "I'm fine."

* * *

Garcia laughed as Morgan mimicked the behaviour of his dog, Clooney, as he re-enacted a funny moment from the night before. Her gaze moved away from him and to the doors as a pale and dishevelled Reid walked through them. Morgan noticed her attention had diverted away from him and followed her gaze. He watched Reid put down his satchel and rush to the coffee pot.

Morgan checked his watch and furrowed his brow. "Do you think he's okay? He's late. He's never late."

Garcia's eyes filled with worry. "This isn't like him. He's never late and he always has pride in his appearance. Look at him. His hair is messed up and his clothes are wrinkled. I'm afraid to talk to him about how he is. He's such a private person and if we try to talk to him, he looks at it as being interrogated and cornered. I don't want him to feel that way about his family."

Morgan noticed a slight tremor in Reid's hand as he walked back to his desk with a cup of coffee. He brought his hand up and cradled Garcia's hand. "I'll talk to him."

Garcia squeezed his hand and gave him a loving smile. "Thank you. Let him have a little space first. Let him finish his coffee.

* * *

 **Two hours later**

Reid slid down against the bathroom cubicle he had sought refuge in till he hit the floor. Bringing his knees to his chest, he bit his lip and slammed his hands over his ears. He could still hear them all. Through the morning, the other agents had whispered behind his back and mocked him. He knew they were doing it behind his back. The words repeated in his head over and over.

 _'Freak. Weak. Not worthy. Undeserving little shit. Drug addict.'_

"SHUT UP!" Reid screamed as the voices became too much. He began pounding his hand into his forehead repeatedly as he lost control.

"Reid?"

A voice broke through the storm like a ray of sunshine breatking through a deep grey cloud. "Morgan?"

The door to the cubicle rattled causing Reid to startle. "Reid, open the door."

Reid reached up and twisted the lock to the right. Morgan came into the stall and knelt in front of him. "Kid, what's wrong?"

Rubbing his hands roughly over his cheeks as tears rolled down them, Reid took a deep breath and let his lip quiver. "They're all talking about me. I can hear them all whispering about me. They think I'm a freak and probably did dirty things to get where I am."

Morgan put his hands on Reid's shoulders. "Who said these things? I'll kick their ass."

"Everyone!" Reid hiccuped as he struggled to stop crying. "They're all doing it behind my back. I know they are."

Morgan couldn't help but briefly let his eyes wander to Reid's covered arms. This wasn't like him.

"Reid, no-one is talking behind your back. You are one of the most highly respected agents in this unit and within the FBI. This isn't like you. I'm going to ask you something and I don't want you to get angry because I'm just trying to help. Have you been using again?"

Reid stared at Morgan with rage brimming in his eyes.

"How could you even think that?!" he growled before trying to rise up, only to be pushed back down by Morgan's hands on his shoulders.

"Spencer Walter Reid," Morgan spoke in a commanding voice. The use of his full name caused Reid to still. "Kid, something is going on with you. I'm not the only one to notice. Garcia is worried about you too. Your clothes are dirty and wrinkled, your hair too and you have a tremor in your hands. You look exhausted too. I'm not accusing you of using. I'm just trying to find out what's wrong and to do that I have to eliminate all possibilites. Can I see your arms, please?"

Reid closed his eyes and let out a small nod. He felt the fabric move up his arms as Morgan checked them for signs of track marks. Relief filled Morgan's heart as he found no sign of track marks. Bringing the sleeves back down to cover Reid bony wrists, he put his hand on Reid's shaking one and watched his friend open his eyes.

"See, we can eliminate that," Morgan said as he gave a comforting smile.

"I would never relapse," Reid spoke shakily. "I worked too damn hard to get clean and I never want to go through that again. I know what you're going to suggest next and it isn't that."

"Kid, something is wrong and you're displaying symptoms that you've always asked the team to look out for."

"I'm not schizophrenic," Reid snapped. "I'm not!"

"We can make an appointment with a doctor and get some tests done."

"Morgan, I would know if I was becom...becoming like my mother. I was fine a few weeks ago. Look, maybe someone is messing with with me. I could be getting drugged."

Reid didn't miss the small flash of doubt that crossed Morgan's face.

"Reid, how could you be getting drugged without knowing it?"

"Rossi was drugged by the Replicator using the mail. I'm not crazy, Morgan. Please just believe me. We can go to the hospital and get a blood test. I know we'll find something."

Morgan watched as Reid's face crumpled and he began to cry heavily. "Please, Morgan, just believe me."

"Okay, okay," he soothed as he brought his arms around Reid and hugged him. He felt his friend lean against him and clutch his shirt. "We'll go to the hospital right away, kid. It's okay."

* * *

 **Hospital**

Reid couldn't help the shiver that ran up his spine as the nurse slid the needle into his arm and began to draw blood. Everytime a needle touched his skin, he remembered the two horrific days he had spent being tortured and and drugged by Hankel. The nurse quickly filled a few vials, pulled out the needle and pressed a small cotton bud over the needle mark.

"Dr Renaton has also ordered you to be given some fluids as you're dehydrated and he feels it would be best," the nurse explained as she pulled off some gloves.

Reid nodded and gave her a thankful smile as she left. Morgan came over from the corner where he had observed the nurse and Reid. "The blood tests shouldn't take long."

"Something will show up," Reid spoke but Morgan didn't miss the slivers of uncertainty and fear at the words. "I'm okay. I haven't had a psychotic break."

"Reid, we'll have to talk to the doctor if nothing shows up on the blood test."

"Something will," Reid angrily enforced. "What did you tell the rest of the team?"

"I told Hotch the main part of our trip to the hospital and Garcia knows we're here. He'll let the others know once we get the results back."

Reid didn't have a chance to respond as the door opened and the nurse came back with his IV fluids.

* * *

 **An hour and a half later**

Morgan watched the gentle rise and fall of Reid's chest as the young man slept peacefully after struggling to stay awake. He looked at his watch and wondered how much longer they would have to wait. He didn't want like to think about the fact that Reid was in a no win situation. If the blood tests came back positive, there was an unsub after Reid and they had no leads. On the other hand, if the tests came back negative, a much darker path was now presented to Reid. An unsub you can catch, but with mental illness like schizophrenia, you couldn't stop it. He had noticed Reid's jumpiness and messy clothes but it hadn't been so bad a few weeks ago. He had just assumed that the job was catching up to Reid. He'd even though of suggesting the kid take some vacation time.

His thoughts halted as the doctor walked into the room. Morgan reached out and gently shook Reid's shoulder, keeping his promise to wake him the moment there was news.

"Do you have the results?" Reid asked as he rubbed his eyes and pulled himself into a sitting postion.

"Yes, sorry for the delay. The lab is a little backed up. Apart from your iron levels being low, all your tests came back negative for anything that could be causing your symptoms. We checked them twice and were very thourough at your request," Dr Renton answered before stepping closer to the bed. Silence held the room as Reid and Morgan absorbed the news. "Dr Reid, have you been under a lot of stress lately?"

"No, my work has been fairly easy considering what we've dealt with in the past. The tests must be wrong."

"We checked them and I can assure you they're not wrong. Have you considered a psychosomatic cause?"

"I'm fine, it's not that," Reid shook his head.

"I take it you're talking about your mother's condition. I read about it from our notes."

"I am not having a psychotic break," Reid huffed before reaching one hand to the IV and pulling it out.

"Dr Reid, stop!" Dr Renton insisted as he walked to the side of the bed.

"Kid, listen to the doctor," Morgan said as he reached out to help.

"I'm going home," Reid said as he pushed Morgan's hands away and stood up. He grabbed his satchel and slung it over his shoulder.

"Dr Reid, it isn't a wise decision to leave, we can help you."

Morgan swiftly stepped back in surprise as Reid squared up to the doctor. "Your help is to lock me away and I vowed that I would never let that happen. This is all bullshit! Someone is messing with my life and I'll prove it. I've seen things that would turn your stomach and give you nightmares. I've been through horrors you'll never comprehend. I didn't break then and I haven't now."

Reid stormed out of the room leaving both Morgan and the doctor stunned.

"I'm sorry," Morgan mumbled to the doctor as he shook of the shock of hearing Reid's powerful and honest words.

* * *

Reid reached a rail outside and leaned against it. The cold sensation from the rail did little to quell the hot anger pulsing through his body. They were wrong about him. He wasn't becoming like his mother. He had spent his childhood watching his mother's descent into the darkness of paranoid schizophrenia. He recognised that descent and he was not going down that path.

"Reid!" Morgan called behind him before he heard the sound of Morgan's heavy shoes skidding to a halt next to him. "Reid, your hand is bleeding."

Reid brought his hand up but ignored the red droplets falling from his pale fingertips and onto the concrete. "It doesn't matter, Morgan."

"Reid, what you said back there-," Morgan began before Reid turned and interrupted him.

"Do you believe him or me?" he demanded. "I need to know."

Morgan looked at Reid and couldn't bring himself to say the words his friend needed to hear. The silence was enough of an answer for Reid.

"I thought you were on my side," Reid yelled causing a few people to turn their heads and stare.

"Reid, calm down. I am on your side. I'm trying to be logical about this just like you would be if you were standing in my shoes. Any drugs that could be causing your symptoms would have to be given to you more than once and would show up on the blood tests. I'm not saying that you're having a psychotic break but something could be going on. We need to go back to the doctor and he can run some more tests. I'm worried about you and I don't want anything to happen to you."

Reid shook his head and stepped back. "No, I'm not going back in there so you can lock me away."

"No-one is talking about locking you away," Morgan tried to calm as he held his hands up.

"Leave me alone. I'm going home and I'll find a way to prove I'm right," Reid angrily shouted. "I thought you would be on my side but you just think I'm losing it. I can't believe you would side with the doctor."

Morgan grabbed Reid's wrist as he tried to run off. "Reid, please just stay. At least come back to the BAU."

Ripping his wrist from Morgan grip, he stabbed his finger at him and took a deep breath. "I'm going home. You just want the others to back you up and make you feel better. I don't need you or other others if you're all going to call me crazy. Don't visit me and if any of you come near me, I'll call the cops."

Before the echo of the last word fell from the air, Reid bolted away from Morgan, disappearing around the corner and leave Morgan lost for words.

* * *

Reid fumbled for his keys as he reached his apartment. His hand had stopped bleeding but the dried blood stained the back of his hand and between his fingers. His chin wobbled as he struggled to keep his composure as he finally unlocked the door and rushed in.

"Argh!" Reid grunted as he caught his foot on a fallen coat and slammed into the floor. His hip erupted in pain causing him to finally let out the emotions building inside of him. He brought himself into a sitting position and pressed his hand against his forehead and let himself cry. He began to be overwhelmed by the sense of abandonment from Morgan, the one person he knew would be there for him but instead had looked at him with pity and disbelief when he had needed him most.

All his life, he had lived with the fear of becoming like his mother, he'd been so watchful of his mind and for the signs of the illness. The time most likely for him to suffer a break had passed and he had survived so many traumas. His mind was the strongest part of him and he knew every part of it. Someone was messing with him, he'd prove it and make them pay.

Slowly, he pulled himself up from the floor and to his feet. He swayed as the world rushed in front of his eyes.

"Sleep first," he whispered to himself as he made sure the door was locked and slipped off his shoes. "The mind needs to sleep...and now I'm talking to myself."

He walked to his bedroom, fell onto his bed, into the comforting embrace of his pillow and away from the world that was trying to rid itself of him.

* * *

Garcia looked up as her door opened. She frowned as Morgan walked in with subtle pain etching every feature of his face. "Morgan, what's wrong? Where's Reid?"

"I messed up, baby girl," Morgan shook his head before slouching into the chair next to him. "We got the blood tests back from the doctor. No-one else knows I took him there but Hotch and you. They came back clear of any drugs. Reid freaked out when the doctor started talking about a psychosomatic cause and stormed out. I caught up with him and tried to calm him down. He asked if I believed him and I didn't know what to say. He got so angry and ran off. He said he was going home."

"Do you believe him?" she asked gently.

Morgan sighed and rubbed his hand over his head. "I want so hard to believe him but everything is against him. There were no drugs in his system, he is displaying signs of paranoia, depression and self neglect. I've never seen him like this."

"We need to go and see him," Garcia said as she reached out and cradled his hand. "No matter what's happening to him, we need to be there and support him. We're a famiily. We take care of each other. We always have."

"Everyone needs to know," Morgan smiled sadly before giving her hand a squeeze. "We have to go as a family. I don't want him to think that he's alone through this. If he is suffering a break, I want him to know that we'll always be there for him no matter what. We'll go this evening. He might have calmed down by then."

"I'll gather the others in the roundtable room. Oh, Derek, if he's becoming like Diana, it's going to hit him so hard. Right now, he refuses to accept that it might be happening and that means he's going to push us away harder than ever before. We need to be strong together and make sure he doesn't try to deal with this alone."

* * *

 **Evening**

Reid struggled to open his eyes as he let out a small moan. His limbs felt heavy and something painful seemed to try to pierce the fog weighing down his mind. His eyes fluttered for a moment before he finally managed to open them. The ceiling above weaved in and out of focus. Looking down sluggishly, he frowned and was confused as he looked at his arm. Through his blurred vision, it looked like his arm was covered in red. Closing his eyes he fought down a rush of dizziness and opened his eyes to find his vision had cleared.

He began to shake as he finally saw his arm clearly.

Blood, both fresh and dry, covered his arm as well as multiple deep cuts. Something was in his other hand. He brought up his other arm, letting out a painful gasp as he did so, to find it in the same condition as the other and a knife cradled in his hand.

"No, no, no," he shook his head as the knife slipped from his hand and fell to the bed with a thud. Slowly rotating his arms, he gritted his teeth at the pain and slowly began to realise the true horror around him. His shirt was covered with blood along with his sheets and trousers. "I didn't do this."

Tears trailed down his cheeks as he brought himself up from the bed. The world began to spin in front of him. He grunted as he veered into a table. Nausea and fatigue ran rampant through his body. He stumbled into his living room to see books strewn across the floor, bloody handprints smearing his furniture, walls, books and deep scrathes carved along various items.

He froze as a knock came at his door. "Reid, it's Morgan. I've got the team with me. I don't know what's going on but your family is here to help you. Please, open the door."

Reid's entire body shook as he realised what the team would think if they came in and found him like this.

"Go away," he called in a scrathy broken voice. "Just go!"

"Can't do that, Reid," Rossi called. "If you don't open the door, we will."

"NO!" Reid screamed as he tried to walk only to stumble and knock over a table.

"Reid!" Multiple voices called out.

He whimpered and curled into a foetal position as the pain in his arms got worse. He flinched violently as he heard his front door smash open.

"Oh my god," he heard Garcia gasp near the door before footsteps rushed over to him.

 **Please review**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey everyone, yes this is two/three days late. Sorry about that. I've had a rough two days which included me launching a tray of cabbage seedling across my garden and into a fence in anger. I haven't managed to get as much typed up as I had hoped but I hope this is okay. I'll be updating Monday with the new chapter along with a new chapter for A Real Family, Torment of Darkness and Give me what I want. I'm on a roll with my writing. I have family here over weekend hence delay in posting till Monday.**

 **Just a notice for everyone, this will never be left for long without a chapter as the story is already finished but I put it down in a book and I'm typing it up when I have time. I had a bad experience with losing a big chapter once and not doing it again!**

 **Thank you so much for all the awesome and wonderful reviews. It feels good to be back. I want to be writing again and I feel in a good place to do it.**

 **Enjoy and please review**

 **All mistake are my own**

Morgan held Reid in his arms as Garcia stroked her baby boy's brown hair and let tears fall down her cheeks. "Oh, baby boy, what happened? What did you do?"

"We don't know he did this," Morgan said shakily.

Rossi rushed with Blake to Reid's side, towels in hand, and wrapped one around each arm. "Blake, hold that tight," he ordered. "JJ, where are you?

"I'm here," she said as she slid beside them on her knees. "I called an ambulance. They'll be here soon. Oh, Spence."

"Hold the other towel tight," Rossi said before releasing his hands from it and watching JJ's replace them. "Where's Hotch?"

"He went to see what happened. I last saw him go into the bedroom."

Reid tried to move his arms but Blake and JJ kept them held down. "Spence, don't move," JJ said.

Sluggishly, Reid looked up at Morgan. "I-I didn't d-do this. N-Not crazy," he cried. "Morgan, b-believe me."

Morgan didn't have a chance to say anything back and could only watch in horror as Reid's eyes closed up and his body go limp in his arms. "Where is the damn ambulance?!"

* * *

Hotch stood frozen as he took in the scene in front of him. Blood coated the bed in patches, each differing in saturation, and each one making his stomach churn. Items of furniture had been overturned and blood was smeared across the walls. His eyes focused on the knife on the bed, the handle and blade coated with blood. Reid's blood. "Oh, Reid. What did you do?"

* * *

At the sound of Morgan's shout, Hotch rushed back outside to see Reid limp and unconscious in Morgan's arms. Rossi looked up and Hotch let his eyes convey the silent message of horror at what he had just seen. Hotch took a deep breath before speaking. "There's a lot of blood. A knife too and it doesn't look clean either. He's lost a lot of blood."

Rossi knew Hotch was struggling with what had seen. They had seen horrific things in their line of work but the horror was different when it was one of your own family at the centre of it. "Hotch, go downstairs and wait for the paramedics. Guide them up here."

"O-Okay," Hotch nodded before rushing out the door. Rossi was struggling to control the wave of shock that wanted to overcome him but he had to be strong for everyone. Hotch was usually the strongest and calmest in a bad situation but this was different. He knew that Hotch had helped Reid in the BAU just as much as Gideon had and seeing the young geinus in such a state was breaking Hotch's heart. Rossi knew this because his own heart was breaking inside.

"Why would he do this?" Garcia cried as she leaned down, kissed Reid's forehead and began to whisper softly. "You're going to be okay. We're here. Your family is here. Just stay with us."

* * *

 **Hours later**

Garcia leaned against Morgan's chest as she struggled not to cry. Everytime she thought that she had no more tears to cry, another memory of Reid covered in blood and looking ghostly pale would hit her, and her cheeks once again played host to more tears. She tried to focus on Morgan's heartbeat. It comforted her. It was a sign of life and she tried to imagine it was Reid's heart.

Morgan held Garcia, feeling her head on his chest and knowing that she was one of the anchors keeping him sane at that moment. He had stayed with Reid all the way to the hospital and still felt the absence of Reid not being in his arms. His best friend, no, his brother, was with strangers and they had shared no information. There had been more cuts when they had cut open Reid's shirt. His brother had carved three long cuts into his stomach and it had taken all his willpower not to throw up at the sight of them. He closed his eyes and made a silent prayer that Reid would be okay. He couldn't lose him. Losing Reid would leave a scar so deep in his heart he would never recover.

JJ stared at the wall in front of her as she replayed the events in Reid's apartment in her mind over and over. Had she held the towel tight enough around his arm? Why hadn't she seen the signs sooner? Is he going to die? All these thoughts rushed through her mind. Her hand, which only hours ago had held a blood smeared towel around the arm of a man she considered her brother, now held a picture of her two boys. She was going to give the picture to Reid. She wouldn't let him fall into an abyss and be overcome by his illness. She wanted to give him a reason to fight. Her hands held a picture of the two people that he would fight to the end for.

Rossi sat next to Blake with her hand holding his. He had seen her hands shaking while trying to wash Reid's blood off them and had taken hold of one as soon as she had taken a seat. She grasped it tightly and he held her hand just as tight. Rossi knew the memories rushing through her mind. Not many people knew about her son but he did. They had both been bound to each other by the loss of a child. They had never acknowledged this bond but it was there. When first meeting Reid, Rossi had thought him peculiar but incredibly smart, and he had kept the bond with Reid professional. It hadn't taken long for that bond to change into one where he began to see Reid as a son. James had never had a chance to grow up but Rossi thought that he would have been a lot like Reid. Hungry for knowledge with wonder and courage in his heart. Rossi knew Blake saw Reid the same way and they both couldn't lose another son.

Blake couldn't stop the image of Reid's eyes closing and not opening again from haunting her mind. Ethan had died that way. He had closed his eyes and left her world forever. She didn't want to lose Reid the same way. Those beautiful brown eyes that Reid looked at her with everyday had to open again. Today was not the day she would lose him. Reid was like a son to her and she couldn't lose him. He still had so much more to do in his life.

Hotch stood by the window in waiting room, looking out and seeing the doctors and nurses rushing to ambulances and working as a team. It was clear each time that they had a leader. Something he had failed to be that night when it mattered the most. His heart ached as he imagined Reid carving into himself and just moving onto the next cut without stopping. A leader was supposed to protect his team, his family, but he had failed. He knew deep down that he should have spoken to Reid earlier about his behaviour and should have spotted the signs that he was suffering a mental break. Only Reid's fingerprints would be on the knife and the door was locked when they had arrived. This was no unsub attacking him. It was Reid's own mind trying to claw everything away that made him who he was.

They all looked up as the door opened and a doctor walked in. She didn't say anything as she took a seat to face them all. "He's stable."

The one word they had all prayed to hear washed over them and gave them comfort that Reid was not leaving them that night.

"How is he?" Hotch asked as he took a step forward. "You can talk to all of us."

"He's lost a lot of blood but you got to him in time. The cuts are deep and will scar. We've cleaned them out and stitched them all up but they'll be painful till they've healed. We've started him on a drip for dehydration and are giving him some antibiotics as a precaution. The paramedics told us the condition of the knife he used. The wounds are definitely self inflicted. I need to speak with you about an critical matter."

"What matter?" JJ asked.

"I've conferred with the doctor that saw Spencer today. Given the symptoms he came in with earlier, the lack of anything in his blood test, his mother's history and his recent suicide attempt, I'm advising that he be admitted to a mental facility where he can properly assessed and treated for his condition."

"It wasn't suicide though," Morgan said shakily. "He cut himself. He'd never try to commit suicide."

"I know this is difficult for all of you but the cuts were deep enough to have killed him. Had you not found him tonight he would be dead. He didn't call for help and the paramedics told me about the door. They told me it had been broken open. Spencer can't be left alone and needs full time supervision. I called for a psychiatric evaulation and they have agreed, given the circumstances, that it would be best if he was placed into a facility where he can be cared for, medicated and given a proper diagnosis. He's a risk to himself and possibly others."

"We can't lock him away," Garcia hiccuped as she began to cry. "He needs his family."

"After three days, you'll be able to see him and I assure you that he'll be very well cared for. A place at one of the best nearby facilities has been arranged already. I'm seeking approval from his power of attorney. Mr Hotchner, I'll need you to sign the papers. I want to do this with your help but if you don't agree, I can override your decision if the matter is critical enough."

Hotch stayed silent as he let her words sink in.

* * *

Reid laid still in the hospital bed as the world around him moved forward without him. The heart monitor beeped a continous rhythm, the nurses went about their work and decisions were made. Decisions that he no control over.

One decision had just been made and it was one where he would not wake up to see his family but the white walls of his new home.

 **Please review**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hello everyone, I am so sorry for the wait for this update and I feel so bad. I have let things slip through during some of the bad times I've had recently and I just am so sorry for making you wait. I also want to say a big sorry to Mozart's Fantasy who did the prompt to me for this story. I will try posting more often and I can only beg forgiveness. Look out for a whole host of updates tonight which I hope you all enjoy. I just wanted to end the new year with a high.**

 **Thank you so much for all the reviews, you're so wonderful and I love you all. Thanks.**

 **Enjoy and please review**

 **All mistakes are my own**

Spencer let out a small moan as his mind submitted to the awareness it had avoided for so long. Noises, distant and strange, reached him first. He flicked out his tongue and quickly licked his dry lips and after taking a few moments, he sluggishly opened his eyes to find himself in a room that was almost bare, with only a chair and small bin gracing the corner. Panic began to rise in him when he found himself unable to move his arms and legs upwards. He looked down and found brown padded leather cuffs around his wrists and ankles. The rest of his arms were covered with bandages with small patches of blood that had come through.

"Hello," he croaked before letting out a harsh guttural cough. "HELLO!"

Reid pulled against the restraints and breathed faster as the fear of his foreign surroundings crept further into his heart. The door opened, and a young male doctor walked in with a medium built male nurse following behind and kept a stoic expression.

"Spencer, it's excellent to see you awake," the doctor spoke gently as he walked forward. "I know this is a strange situation and you've just woken up in a place that you don't know, from not the best circumstances I might add. Do you remember what happened at your home? Do you know how your injuries came to be?"

Reid closed his eyes and took in a shaky breath. "I didn't do this to myself."

"Spencer, I've read the report, you were the only person in your apartment."

"I didn't do it!"

The doctor took a small step forward. "Spencer, I'm going to tell you everything that has happened and what is planned for you. You're now a patient at this facility. You were committed with permission from your power of attorney advocate. We have been given a full report on your behavior before the incident that led to your injuries. Without your family finding you, I don't think you would be here, where you need to be so we can help you."

"No, no, no, you're lying," Reid shook his head vigorously, "Hotch would never give permission for you to keep me here. None of my family would put me here. They wouldn't!"

"It was agreed by your advocate and by the medical professionals that treated you that this was for the best. This is an outstanding facility and we intend to give you support in every way we can and help you through all stages of your treatment."

"I don't need any treatment because I'm not ill. I'm not crazy," Reid growled before pulling against the restraints.

"Nurse, please give Spencer a sedative," the doctor sighed before writing on his clipboard. "I'll be back when you're calmer. If you show improvement, we'll talk about you joining the other patients with more freedom."

The nurse walked towards him with a needle.

"I don't want that," he yelled before letting out a small hiss as the nurse injected him harder than necessary.

Reid couldn't stop his body from slumping back into the bed as the sedative took effect.

"I….want….my….family," he moaned as his gaze sluggishly followed the nurse and doctor as they left the room.

He closed his eyes and wished everything was just a nightmare, deep down though, something was screaming that it wasn't but it was the beginning of something much worse.

* * *

Hotch, Rossi and Morgan all stood silently as they looked around Reid's living room, all three focusing on the smears of blood, all trying not to think of Reid in such a state. JJ and Blake had taken Garcia home and kept her company as they all worried about her.

Morgan closed his eyes as he remembered Garcia at the hospital when they began to wheel Reid to the ambulance for transfer. He still felt her in his arms as she struggled to get back to Reid.

"We need to clean this up," Hotch said, his voice almost a loud shout as it interrupted the eerie silence that had held them moments before. He placed down a bag of cleaning supplies and made his way to the kitchen sink with Rossi and Morgan following.

"Is forensics sure they didn't find any evidence of foul play?" Morgan spoke.

"Morgan, they went over this place and found nothing, but evidence of what Reid had done. I know we all wanted a different answer, but we have to face the truth."

"What if-"Morgan began before snapping his mouth shut as Hotch slammed his hands down on the kitchen counter.

"Morgan, stop!" Hotch shouted.

Hotch breathed in deeply, in and out, as he tried to control the storm inside him. "Morgan, there is no evidence he was hurt by someone else. His prints are on the blade and we've all seen his decline. He cut himself and is a danger to himself. I'm sorry but he's in the best place possible. You think it wasn't hard for me to sign away his freedom because it was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. I can't help him, not in the ways he needs, and it is ripping me apart. What I can do is clean this apartment. I can scrub it and try to make this place somewhere Reid can come home to when he is better. Now either grab a sponge and help or leave. I don't want to talk about this anymore."

* * *

Reid grimaced as he came back from the embrace of his forced sleep. The smell of cigarette smoke filled his nose causing it to wrinkle as he took another breathe. His eyes fluttered for a few moments before he opened them to see a nurse sitting next to his bed smoking a cigarette. This man was different from the nurse that had sedated him. He tried to move but gritted his jaw in anger as the restraints remained.

"I would stop trying to bust out of this," the nurse smirked down at him before taking another drag of the cigarette.

"Who are you? It's against the law to smoke in healthcare facilities."

The nurse chuckled. "Restrained, confined to a mental hospital and you throw the no smoking law at me. You really are a strange one."

"I don't belong here."

"I know," the nurse smiled down at him. "Your friend, Hotch, doesn't feel the same."

Reid stilled as he took in the man's words. "How do you know he's called that?"

"The same way I know you didn't cut yourself," the man said before his smile turned into a grin. I've been watching you for some time, Spencer. Oh, wait, or should I call you baby boy?"

 **Please review**


	4. Chapter 4

**Hello, long time. I'll be posting this across all the updates. Some are shorter than others but I am hoping to get back into the running of things. The last year or so has not been easy for me and I did sink to a low point. Most of the writing I had, I deleted because in the bad times, I thought it wasn't good enough. Here is an update and hopefully see you soon.**

 **Thank you for all being so patient and for the reviews.**

 **Enjoy and all mistakes are my own**

Reid pulled against his restraints as the man above grinned and took another drag of his cigarette. "You're not going anywhere."

"I knew I wasn't crazy," Reid snapped as his eyes darted to the door. He tried to call for help but the man slammed a large beefy hand over his mouth. Frustration filled him as he let out a few muffled screams.

"This isn't going to do you any good, Spencer. I'm the master here. You scream about me being an unsub and blaming me, they'll just sedate you and we'll end up going in a circle. You've no proof and we've got so much more to talk about," the man said smugly. "You're going to be good. What's better for you? Awake with me or asleep."

Stopping his screams, Reid nodded his head, never taking his eyes of the man , a shaky breath coming out as the hand was removed.

"What do you want?" Reid tried to say calmly but his voice struggled to hide the helplessness he felt.

"To have fun. You're not the first I've got but you are one of the easiest. I did a few things and your team did everything else. Well, almost. Mental illness with your mother, then, why not her son."

Reid stopped all thought of his team at that moment. He needed to stay focus. "How did you hurt me in my apartment?"

"First, none of your busioness, and second, you'll call me Master when we're alone."

"Go to hell!" Reid growled.

Panic rushed through him as the man grabbed the top of his scrub trousers and pulled them down. "Don't touch me. No!"

The man quirked an eyebrow. "I'm not going to rape you, Spencer. I don't go for that. I find my pleasure in other ways. You will call me Master."

The man's hand slammed over Reid's mouth before he could say anything else. His eyes widened as the man took a drag and brought the cigarette down to the inside and top of his thigh. His scream was muffled as the heat seared his flesh.

"Want to try that again?" the man chuckled as he brought his hand away. Without hesitate, the man took out another cigarette and brought a lighter up to it. "Actions have consequences. Spencer, call me Master and we'll have no more burns, well, at least not tonight. Better yet, do as I say and I won't go and burn dear Henry."

Every muscle in Reid's body froze at the sound of his godson's name. His captor brought up a phone and showed him a video of Henry at the park.

"He's a good kid, Spencer. His soccer skills need work and I see that he really likes ice cream with caramel syrup."

Reid dropped his head back against the pillow and his heart ached as his godson's laughter continued on the video. He loved Henry and he loved Michael. His skin crawled at the knowledge the man above him had come close to Henry.

"Don't hurt him," Reid pleaded.

"I won't if you behave," the man shrugged as he silenced the phone and slipped it back into his pocket. "You're going to be a good little servant and bitch while here. We're going to play games and they'll be our little secret. I have access to everywhere. Here, I'm the one who truly rules. No-one will believe you here and you have to consider your team too. Will they really believe anything you say to them? Even if by some slim chance they did, I'm faster and all I have to do is go to Jennifer's house and I'll show you what misbehaving means for Henry. I'll make his little brother watch and then make him pay for your mistakes."

Reid knew the truth of the bastard's words. He'd been declared mentally unfit and the chances of anyone believing him were small. He was at his captor's mercy. Henry and Michael meant the world to him and he would always protect them.

"I'll behave," Reid surrendered. "Just leave them alone."

Reid grunted as the man grabbed his chin. "I'll behave, what?"

"Master," Reid spoke. "I'll behave, Master."

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